Buy Your Time-Share Now!!

Excellent news! It seems that global warming caused by the excessive emissions of greenhouse gases is causing the arctic circle to melt. BIG TIME! In the past 30 years or so (as long as scientists have been taking satellite photos to document it) the arctic icecap has shrunk by about 30%. Now scientists are saying that if the trend is not reversed, by the end of this century the northern polar icecap will melt completely during the summer months. How fantastic is this?!?!? First off, buy your vacation property in Greenland, and the far northern coast of Canada now while prices are still reasonable. In a few years that is where people will be flocking for fun in the sun and surf. Forget Florida. In a few years it will be completely uninhabitable (I'm not convinced it is all that habitable now, as it is) - summers there will be 125 degrees and humid as all hell. Second, the area I live in (Western Pennsylvania) will be a subtropical wonderland; the emerald isles of Ireland and Brittain tranformed into balmy island paradises. No more shoveling snow for me; and end to shivering in February and suffering through pothole laden roads in March.

But what about the killer droughts you ask. What about the shortages of clean drinking water? The monster hurricanes? Crop failures and mass starvation? As my friend Fred the Monkey would say, "Eeh pah!" Who can be concerned with such human suffering? So I say, go out and buy your giant SUV's, your H2's. Continue burning fossil fuels at an exponential rate. Right about the time I'm sitting pretty on my sunny beach front property up on Baffin Island, is the time those non-renewable energy sources are going to run out anyway.

Get out your level 3000 SPF sunscreen folks, we're in for a sizzling future!